April 14th 2016 – I took my friend dinner last night, chicken phad thai 3 stars, I don’t cook. We had plans for me to bring my son Huck over, but she had chemo yesterday and her white blood cell numbers were too low, so she can’t be around anyone that may cause her to get sick. So I made the decision not to bring him.
As I came in, she was in high spirits per usual, seriously one of the most positive people I know. But she said she had a breakdown earlier with her dad.
You see, it’s been 8 months she’s been fighting cancer for the 2nd time. Her mom passed away from the same cancer. She had scans yesterday to see if the new medication is working. And she said to be honest we are running out of options. And then she apologized for the breakdown?
I was thinking, Oh my God, it’s amazing you are even talking to me right now.
What amazing strength you have. I am utterly impressed with her. She is one of the strongest people I know. If you could heal yourself by being a positive person, she would have been well a day after she got it.
Then she proceeded to thank me for bringing over a $15 dinner, that I just picked up.
Heidi Green. I am honored to know you. I am a better person just to be in your presence. You are incredible strong, lovely, wonderful, and put a real beautiful human face on a disease that is Fucking Horrible.
May the Lord bless you and keep you.
May the Lord make his face to shine upon you,
and be gracious to you.
May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you,
and give you peace.
The Beautiful Heidi Green
Jan. 19th 2017 I went to see Heidi Green yesterday. I probably have not seen her in 3 months. Last time I saw her she was sick but still mobile. Yesterday was not the case.
She is thin. Her hair is growing back, so that was nice. She has lost the use of her left leg. She can’t take care of herself, she can’t move around, her foot is floppy with no feeling. Because the tumors are on her spine. She is confined to a room and going stir crazy.
That is the realistic state of affairs.
BUT Her. She is still smiling. She is still beautiful. She is still saying how blessed she is by her friends and dad taking care of her. She is hopeful and excited about things that will better her way of life in this current situation. Like a coffee machine that can be close to her bed so she can still have her coffee right when she gets up.
I am not sure of how hopeful the situation is, but I felt hopefully leaving her.
Life is so strange and hard. Death is coming for all of us. But you know when it’s not scary, is when you watch people face it at 48 yrs old, with strength and grace. Leaving this life, is just a part of it, a part of the whole thing.
Hope when my days are a number I know, I can be as beautiful as my friend Heidi. Who shined with blonde shiny hair, a positive outlook on everything, and a beautiful smile. Thank you for the lesson my friend.
I will always remember it.
The Wonderful Heidi Green
Feb. 7th 2017 Damn it. I missed the phone call I was going to make this morning to say goodbye. But it’s ok cause I know you know.
But here is what I wanted to say:
You, my friend, what an honor it was to know you. Especially these last couples of weeks. You lived more life than most. You loved better than most. You gave even at the end. Praying prayers for me and my family, still thinking of others, even in so much pain.
It was truly an honor. To know you. To see you. And to watch you face the end, with more grace and dignity than I thought was possible.
You made me less scared. And that is such a gift. You helped me see all of life is gift, even the scariest parts.
Today I will mourn you. But tomorrow I will live more like you.
I will travel and think of you. I will lay on beaches and remember how much you loved the sun. I will talk about Jesus, like you. I will offer everything I have to the other and do it with joy and love.
I want to be more like you and that is how you live on.
With deep gratitude thank you for sharing your life with me.